Limited Plans

It's still too, well, March-like to think about making any plans, but this Saturday Robin and I meet my brother at Mom's old place to go over some of her stuff as well as estate matters, and we've just solidified those particulars. I have two or three fairly time-sensitive medical things I want to take care of, dentist and podiatrist and blood draws and so forth, and lots of friends I want to see now that all is okay with the car and my eyesight, but all that will wait until April. I have a good handle on my job duties at the moment, had calls this afternoon with both my fellow EAs whom I'm mentoring as well as my supervisor ("I know what both your short-term and long-term career plan is" she jokingly began our call), and finally wrapped up at least the first stage of my client meeting scheduling (emails have gone out to all the EAs on that end). And I hate to say it, but I have even successfully created an AI agent to take information from my higglety-pigglety schedule and create a table for me putting all the meetings in chronological order, saving me at least a couple hours. As AI use is pretty much mandated by my firm and is part of my goal setting this year I'm glad that's done. We also saw the Paul McCartney bio about his life in the 1970's, which was very well put together and really tight visually, so that was another good reason to work from home today. And now pre-Opening Day baseball is on (Yankees versus Giants) so must go...

You Just Keep Me Hanging On

This was probably my best Valentine's Day ever. Robin and I unboxed our sugar-free chocolate hearts, took some silly photos, then went out shopping (the driveway is almost clear of ice, although I did a slip-and-slide over some of it when exiting the car of my coworker who drove me home Thursday evening)  at the strip mall in Scarsdale that also contains the bank where I want to deposit checks from my mom's estate, as well as our favorite sushi place. Alas, the bank was closed but the sushi was terrific, as always. We got in some Olympics-watching and a bit of a kip before venturing out again locally for a fancy-schmancy dinner. Not sure when I'll be back to the fancy place, the ribeye I ordered was fattier than me, but we had a lovely romantic time nonetheless. So wonderful to be able to spend an entire day with my valentine. I can see doing this, oh, for the rest of my life.

Gramminess is Next To Sleepiness

White Rabbits! Rumor has it we may see temperatures above freezing soon. In the meantime I'm drinking way too much hot tea, although it's helping me stay hydrated with this new diabetes med, and I decided to make popcorn this evening whilst watching the Grammy Awards. Looks like a lot of the rock and roll categories went unaired in favor of pop, pop, and K-pop. But it was fun to watch, and the last time we'll see it on network TV as it's going to Disney+ next year which sucketh but it's the way of the world. And I have tons of popcorn left as I've given up and am going to bed now that the wind has died down a bit.

Mommy and Me

My mother passed away in the early hours this morning. She had a good run, 94 years, although the last year or so saw her gradually waste away day by day as she lost her appetite completely, then her interest in most things. But that's not what I'll remember most.

Memory is a funny thing, especially for someone who feels like they've been gaslit at various times in their life. I don't entirely trust my own memories, and I've had to deal with my sometimes-misplaced episodic memory as well. So I choose to remember things that I believe ring true and provide me with the most emotional impact. That said, my two earliest memories are (1) a few seconds when I was a baby in my crib, crying, and Mom came in and picked me up to comfort me, and (2) when I was about 4 years old and had an earache, my mom holding my hand as we walked under the elevated subway in the Bronx en route to the doctor's office. The overriding feeling I have from both memories is one of comfort, safety, and security.

My mom was a self-professed "educational snob" and an avid reader who loved word games. She taught us Scrabble, loved watching Jeopardy with my late aunt until Alex Trebek passed, and I played Words With Friends with her until about a year ago. I certainly got my love of reading from her, but knowledge is a double-edged sword, as the more I read (and grew) the more I questioned. And many of the answers were not in keeping with her core beliefs, mostly religion-based. But we reached a detente by the time I was an adult (even though to an extent she and my dad treated me like a teenager until the end of their days) and the love we had for one another was never in question.

In some ways Mom's life, especially towards the end, also served as a cautionary tale, making me more keenly aware of my own fragility and health issues. I long since gave up FOMO for FOBO (Fear of Being Overwhelmed) and no longer wish to Go Out to many places other than the office in Manhattan, in large measure due to mobility issues. When I sense something is amiss I have doctors with whom I honestly discuss my situation, all kinds of braces and walking sticks to help me get around, and I don't kid myself as much as I used to about what I'm capable of doing. I sometimes wish I had a larger in-person social circle the way I did when I was younger (and before COVID increased the risk of being in crowds), but my online circle and work colleagues make up for that in large measure and, after all, I'm married to my best friend who complements me perfectly (and is, for the record, not allowed to predecease me).

My dad's death 18 years ago was sudden, the result of an auto accident on the other side of the country where I could not reach, and thus I never felt like I had any closure with him. My mom's situation was almost the opposite, she faded gradually and there was plenty of time to say all that needed to be said. Nonetheless, now that both my parents are gone I feel like the two pillars on which I was standing have crumbled, which is ironic considering I also feel like I've reached Peak Competence in my life, and can adult pretty well. There's a Jewish saying "may their memory be a blessing," and as an atheist I'm comforted by knowing that they're both together now, in my heart and in my head and in the things I choose to remember. 

I began writing in part as a way to try and better communicate with my parents, neither of whom had the same frames of reference as me (although they were proud of my accomplishments), so in that respect I never quite succeeded, but my writing has continued to this day and I think I've held my own with my other social circles, and with whatever readers of this blog remain. After I retire (the plan is still June of 2028) I may switch to writing full-time, but there are a lot of things I "may" do now that I'm unmoored. For now I'll just concentrate on healing, one day at a time.

 

Bubbling and Squeaking

The holiday table is all set up; the bowl filled with copious amounts of sugar-free chocolate goodies we've been buying was the piece de resistance. No card wreath this year since we won't be sending out cards. t's all I can do to keep myself together, between Mom's situation (slowly improving again) and my impending birthday week. But having the fiber optic tree trimmed and festooned does provide some sort of comfort, and between that and Robin (who is always a comfort!) I'm okay at the moment. We got through about half of the Beatles Anthology remaster, and will probably finish it again by the end of the weekend. And the bubble and squeak today was delightful.

A Sunday Kind of Love

Have I mentioned how I much I love Robin? How we just mesh so perfectly together, complement each other, work really well as a team, and enjoy each other's company? I don't mention it nearly enough, either here or to him. I mean, he knows, but still. That's all.

The Number of the Truck That Hit

Oh, we're fine. We're FINE. Okay, I'm totally beat and could not get my act together all day. But we did manage the food shopping and navigating Apple Music. After all of Robin's machinations uploading my collection to the iCloud (apparently the only way to get things done nowadays), my main playlist (cleverly dubbed iPhone Sync) was nowhere to be found on my phone. So I'm creating a new playlist called Elayne's Playlist (again, trippingly off the tongue) and will start populating my phone tomorrow with the albums and songs I actually want to listen to during my commute. Today all I want to do is sleep. Alas, our downstairs (basement) neighbor has other ideas, and is talking loudly right outside our bedroom windows with no sign of stopping. Looks like I'll have to resort to earplugs. Now see, if my playlist were populated I could do earbuds...

Music Hath Charms

Now that everything's straightened out with my work iPhone, I'm paying more attention to what will once again become my personal-only phone once it's no longer firm-managed in about a week and a half. Today I decided to try and move a bit more into 21st century audio, and tried out my Apple Music subscription by rifling through a bunch of stations with songs and artists from the last quarter century or so. I pretty much stopped following music in the early '90s due to a confluence of issues (my pissedness at how CD sellers completely overtook vinyl to the point where my preferred way of listening went the way of the dodo, at least back then; also other things like the internet and personal stuff) so I thought this might be a nice way to catch up. And as it happens, I'm still an Old, as my new favorite album is Elton John's and Brandi Carlisle's Who Believes in Angels?, which I listened to and loved on my homeward commute. But I'm determined to also like other music making kids, once I obsess over Carlisle's entire discography...

Mom and the Deluge

I love my mother, of course, but I do not love the 1+ hour drive in the driving rain, and the weather was pretty white-knuckled horrid today. Still, I found a decent spot at the long-term care facility, and had a lovely visit with her before turning back around and braving the elements again. That chicken soup I made yesterday was a godsend upon my return. We've just started watching Saturday Night Live's 50th anniversary show, which has been excellent thus far, and I fear I'll be up until the end (of course they're ending with Paul McCartney as they know nobody can follow him) and pretty unable to function at 100% capacity tomorrow. Fortunately, with the wind having gotten up to howling strength, I get to work from home and perhaps pace myself a bit.

Of Groundhogs and Grammies

I had to nap periodically during the day, as I got up early to watch the silliness that is Groundhog Day in Why Are We Even Here PA, and stayed up late to watch as much as I could of the silliness that is the Grammy Awards. Trust me, the latter was far better than the former. Lots of amazing music, enough to make this Boomer really excited about the current state of things and even contemplating purchasing some of the tunes. The silliness was mostly sartorial in nature - I mean, Will Smith's son wore a miniature house on his head (a miniature horse would have been better methinks), and every other woman wore a "cutout" outfit, meaning clothing featuring barely any cloth, but it's the Grammies so it's probably expected. And again, I'm a Boomer so you know, probably a prude. Trevor Noah has been a bit too ingratiating and insincere as usual, but inoffensive enough. All in all a very good showing.

The European Robin at 63

I miss the days when I could just embed a photo here. Ah well, picture an English Robin, won't you? Now picture an amazing husband who helps me with IT problems, household issues, emotional stability, genuine warmth and humor, and all the intangibles I can possibly think of. That's pretty much my English Robin, who turns 63 today. And we've actually had an interesting day for the most part! We got a lot of deliveries this morning, so Robin's attire for next Wednesday's office holiday party is all set, and he used his photography-related holiday gift to get some amazing ultra-widescreen shots, although the substantial murder of crows dive-bombing our driveway this afternoon was captured via iPhone. Mostly we just tried, and are still trying, to remain warm in this cold spell, which is supposed to finally break tomorrow evening. At the moment I'm way too tired to care about anything other than my lovely Robin.

A Changed Nature

Exactly 26 years ago, Robin and I were married at City Hall in Manhattan. We exited the building to gaze on the World Trade Center... and I guess that tells you everything about how many changes we've seen since then. The world may have become harsher, and the pace of change seems to be accelerating ever faster, but we're holding fast onto each other even more and loving one another as fiercely as ever. Happy anniversary, my love! I'm glad we got to spend it at home together.

It It 1971 Again?

As previously mentioned, we're both trying to stay away from watching or reading about current affairs for awhile. I'm limiting my social media time and starting to explore getting into reading again, probably going back to fantasy novels. I also want to take up the how-to-draw book again, and perhaps write once more but not (for the foreseeable) about silly sites. After we returned from shopping today with a nice clean car, we spent a few hours finishing up Apple TV's series about the music and politics of 1971, which I highly recommend. Of course you can always find historical parallels if you look hard enough, as humans we love finding patterns, but I was struck by (a) how far we've come since then and (b) how fragile all this freedom is when the strong status quo class feels it has anything to lose. And also, how creative opposition to status-quo conservatism can be. So in a small way it too gave me hope. We've been in dark places before and found the light. Just as we love finding patterns, I do think we all have an instinct to push past our lizard brains and bend towards the light. Little by little I'm climbing out.

Silly Site o' the Day

The toe behaved better than expected once encased in my sneaker, so I'm hopeful the doctor will say it's healing when I see him again first thing tomorrow. Still, once I got to the office I pretty much stuck to my workstation and didn't move around more than necessary, only going outside for lunch a half block away. The heat isn't oppressive yet, but we're bracing for worse to come, and I even got a couple identical text warnings from Con Edison about not using too much energy during peak hours. Not a problem at the office, as it's not my electric bill, nor really at home since all our ACs are energy efficient and therefore aren't running constantly. Both NY baseball teams won today, which was good, but the world lost Willie Mays, which was sad even though it was fairly expected. Looking forward to spending tomorrow's holiday watching Euro football, although Scotland is playing rather than England (and a very happy 82nd birthday to Paul McCartney!). In any case, Wales is not playing; probably just as well as sometimes Welsh gets lost in translation.

Silly Site o' the Day

I had more than enough to occupy me during today's six-hour workday, with the promise of more to come on Monday. Meanwhile, we mysteriously lost our cable feed on both televisions around 7:45 this evening. Streaming stuff still works, internet and phone are fine, and we can see the cable box display the channels, it's just not connecting to them. So a techie will be coming to see us tomorrow afternoon. One more in a series of "little things around the house going wrong" that reminds me how much of this is First World Problems. So I opted for my blue-ray of Yellow Submarine, in which I always find something new on repeated viewings. So let's celebrate the comedy stylings of the Beatles...

Here It Is, Your Moment of Zed

Today we said goodbye to our beloved kitty Zed. He came to us in November of 2016 as Felix, along with his half-brother Oscar (who unfortunately developed a blood clot in the move and only lasted a few days), courtesy of my work colleague who could no longer keep him as her husband had become allergic. He never responded to Felix, so we tried different syllabic combos and he brightened all the way up when he heard "Zed." Over the last six years he's been Zebedee Q. Nibblington III Riggs Esquire, Mr. Nibbles, Mama's Zed, Zeddy Boy, lots of combos, but mostly the very best boy one could hope for. Robin's spent the last year and a half making sure to click his luxated right patella back into place whenever he had the post-litter box zoomies, and he kept clambering on boxes and such right up until a week or so ago. Then he went downhill fast, getting to the point where he wasn't eating or pooping. The vet did all sorts of tests on him yesterday, including bloodwork, but he got worse last night, was in considerable pain, and neither he nor Robin slept at all. We were right back at the vet today to say our final goodbyes. I am firmly of the belief that our beloved "furbabies" tell us when it's time to go, and we're so grateful and relieved he's finally pain-free and "over the rainbow bridge."

Of course we have big Zed-sized holes in our hearts and our apartment. He made quite the impression over the last half dozen years. He became a minor Facebook celeb over the pandemic, as I would post daily "moments of Zed" photos. I keep expecting him to interrupt me as I type, with his signature "eh" breath that was his version of speaking, or greet me in the bathroom first thing in the morning, or come round the corner and jump on our bed (which he did for the last time yesterday). But we know we did the right thing, and tomorrow a local friend will come and take away all the cat stuff we've accumulated so it can go to neighborhood shelters. And then we get the apartment thoroughly cleaned for the first time since before he came into our lives, and then we rest and recover for awhile.

The condolences from coworkers and Facebook friends have helped a lot, as has the knowledge that he lived a very loved life, and he gave as good as he got. He was my best boy, and I will miss him for the rest of my life, as I've missed every other cat I've had. Goodbye, my Zeddy.

Silly Site o' the Day

I finished up work for the week, all the timesheets are in, my in-box was empty when I logged off, and I still feel like a slacker compared to Robin, who not only did the laundry (mind you, at least five schleps up and down the 26 stairs) but cooked a fantastic salmon lunch with enough left over for at least a couple more meals. The house smelled of maple and brown sugar (both sugar-free and keto, mind you!) for hours afterwards, which I find delightful. Everything is either folded/hung up and put away or drying on the towel rack because it got caught in the fitted sheet. We're as ready as we can be, weather notwithstanding, for tomorrow's trip to see Mom. I love my funny valentine!

Silly Site o' the Day

We were rudely awoken around 3 AM by a nearby car accident, and later found it had happened partially in our U-shaped driveway. Fortunately my car was untouched, but my downstairs neighbor was not as lucky, as her son's car was sideswiped. It was a tough day to get through due to the lack of sleep and, for awhile, heating issues, but all is okay now and it was after all Valentine's Day, with another lovely bouquet of "forever" roses from my favorite English rose, whom I do not believe will ever require a buttress pillow.

Silly Site o' the Day

Back to work after not logging on for the better part of two days, and my goodness did I have a lot to catch up on! You wouldn't think so given that it's summertime and people are away on vacation and such, but with ten folks to support plus my other responsibilities I'm kept hopping even in traditionally slow periods. Still, I logged off with a moderately manageable inbox as usual, and almost made two miles on the bike, so that's something. And I get to see a new Randy Rainbow song, a Beatles tribute no less:

Can I has bed now? No, still have to stay up to say hi to my Firesign'y friends? Ah well...

Silly Sites o' the Day

White Rabbits, and happy April Fool's Day, one of this blog's major holidays as all we seem to be now (I know, my bad) is Silly Sites! BoingBoing has been on the case: here's a website for Nothing, the next new (no)thing! And here's my favorite, The Music of the Beatles as Channeled in 1958 by the Echo Lake Home for the Potentially Clairvoyant! Done while harvesting the spaghetti trees, no doubt. A Google search found more goodies: the best sports-related ones, some corporate goodies and fast food stuff (Robin liked the Butterfinger one), even gaming pranks for those into that sort of thing. And if none of that is dry-witted enough for you, here's Scientific American with a compendium guaranteed to put you to sleep. Also in local news, I had to go to the local pharmacy to get a prescription so Robin and I had a nice spur-of-the-moment and very safe sushi lunch (well spaced from other patrons), yum!