2026 Has To Be Better

White Rabbits (or Rabbis) and Happy New Year. This was a very long day, both physically and emotionally. As an atheist I wasn't sure how I'd feel about things like shiva. Saying the prayer for the dead isn't about how much you miss them and honor their memory but mostly about how great the invisible sky fairy is, but I felt I had to Keep Peace and Honor Mom yesterday (and everyone at the gravesite was looking at me and my brothers expectantly). I was hoping to be spared the same pretense today and thus declined the prayer book my brother held out for me, and unfortunately that set him off something awful. I believe the phrase "get the eff out of my house" was uttered. However, my Cal-bro made me realize there are times and places to assert personal boundaries and the mourning period for Mom was probably not one of those. So I held the book and kept silent, reflecting on how much I'm going to miss Mom and how she will always be a part of me, and I even held my tongue when the rabbi asked for folks' reminiscences because I'd already said all I'd wanted to say. And afterwards I apologized to my youngest bro for the slight and we hugged it out. But everything seemed tense. Thank goodness visiting relatives helped break that tension, as did a couple of wonderful meals with my Cal-bro and sis-in-law, who couldn't deal with the cold. I mean, we couldn't even deal with the cold, I can't imagine how much worse it was for them! We stayed at the same hotel as they did this evening because I knew the emotional and physical exertion would leave me in no shape to drive home in the dark, something I have trouble doing now at the best of times. I trust we don't pick up any number of diseases from hugging folks, many of whom have probably been ill lately. Let's hope shiva doesn't turn out to be a super-spreader.