The earliest internet post I could find for the following is from almost exactly three years ago, so that's where I'll give attribution, but I wanted to repro it in its entirety, just as Mom emailed it to me, because that's the kind of day (or at least evening) I think it's going to be:
Sayings of the Jewish Buddha
If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?
Drink tea and nourish life; with the first sip, joy; with the second sip, satisfaction; with the third sip, peace; with the fourth, a Danish.
Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health, or a life without problems. What would you talk about?
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single Oy.
There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.
The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao is not Jewish.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.
Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as a wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.
Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.
Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.
Each blossom has ten thousand petals.
You might want to see a specialist.
Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.
The Torah says, Love your neighbor as yourself.
The Buddha says, There is no self.
So, maybe we're off the hook
While searching for the citation, I also came upon the following:
What the Jewish Buddha Says:
* The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single "Oy".
* If you wish to know the way, don't ask for directions, just argue.
* Take only what is given. Own nothing but your clothes and a begging bowl - unless, of course, you have wardrobe space.
* Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as a wooded forest. And sit up straight or you'll never meet the Buddha with a posture like that.
* There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never visited, you never called and you never wrote. And whose fault was that?
* Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage, however, is another story.
* Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. But also be aware that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.
* Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. Forget this and attaining enlightenment will be the least of your problems.
* The Tao has no expectations, it demands nothing of others, it doesn't speak, it doesn't blame and doesn't take sides. The Tao is not Jewish.
* Drink green tea and enhance your life. Experience joy with the first sip, satisfaction with the second sip and a Danish with the third sip.
* The Buddha teaches us that we should practice loving kindness to all sentient beings. Still, would it a crime to find a nice sentient being who happens to be Jewish?
* Be patient and you'll achieve all things. Be impatient and you'll achieve all things faster.
* In nature, there is no good or bad, better or worse. The wind may blow or not. The flowering branch grows long or short. Do not judge or prefer. Ask only, "Is it good for the Jews?"
* To find the Buddha, look within yourself. Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times and each blossom has ten thousand petals. Maybe you should see a specialist?
* Let go of pride, ego and opinions. Admit your errors and forgive those of others. Relinquishment will lead to calm and healing in your relationships. If that doesn't work, try small-claims court.
* Though only your skin, sinews and bones remain, though your blood and flesh dry up and wither away, yet shall you meditate and not stir until you have attained full
enlightenment. But first, a little nosh.
* Accept misfortune as a blessing. Don't wish for perfect health or a life without problems. What would you talk about?
* The Torah says, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." The Buddha says, "there is no self". So maybe you're off the hook. If there is no self, whose angina is this?
* My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
* Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bubkes.
That list was dated January 2005, so I have reason to believe it's the "original" (as much as any of these things can be online). It's interesting to see what was slightly amended and what was kept as the list evolved. By the way, there are actual Jewish Buddhists according to Wikipedia, and would the Wiki lie to you, bubbelah? Happy Passover (beginning at sundown this evening)!
Sayings of the Jewish Buddha
If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?
Drink tea and nourish life; with the first sip, joy; with the second sip, satisfaction; with the third sip, peace; with the fourth, a Danish.
Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health, or a life without problems. What would you talk about?
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single Oy.
There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.
The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao is not Jewish.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.
Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as a wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.
Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.
Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.
Each blossom has ten thousand petals.
You might want to see a specialist.
Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.
The Torah says, Love your neighbor as yourself.
The Buddha says, There is no self.
So, maybe we're off the hook
While searching for the citation, I also came upon the following:
What the Jewish Buddha Says:
* The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single "Oy".
* If you wish to know the way, don't ask for directions, just argue.
* Take only what is given. Own nothing but your clothes and a begging bowl - unless, of course, you have wardrobe space.
* Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as a wooded forest. And sit up straight or you'll never meet the Buddha with a posture like that.
* There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never visited, you never called and you never wrote. And whose fault was that?
* Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage, however, is another story.
* Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. But also be aware that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.
* Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. Forget this and attaining enlightenment will be the least of your problems.
* The Tao has no expectations, it demands nothing of others, it doesn't speak, it doesn't blame and doesn't take sides. The Tao is not Jewish.
* Drink green tea and enhance your life. Experience joy with the first sip, satisfaction with the second sip and a Danish with the third sip.
* The Buddha teaches us that we should practice loving kindness to all sentient beings. Still, would it a crime to find a nice sentient being who happens to be Jewish?
* Be patient and you'll achieve all things. Be impatient and you'll achieve all things faster.
* In nature, there is no good or bad, better or worse. The wind may blow or not. The flowering branch grows long or short. Do not judge or prefer. Ask only, "Is it good for the Jews?"
* To find the Buddha, look within yourself. Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times and each blossom has ten thousand petals. Maybe you should see a specialist?
* Let go of pride, ego and opinions. Admit your errors and forgive those of others. Relinquishment will lead to calm and healing in your relationships. If that doesn't work, try small-claims court.
* Though only your skin, sinews and bones remain, though your blood and flesh dry up and wither away, yet shall you meditate and not stir until you have attained full
enlightenment. But first, a little nosh.
* Accept misfortune as a blessing. Don't wish for perfect health or a life without problems. What would you talk about?
* The Torah says, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." The Buddha says, "there is no self". So maybe you're off the hook. If there is no self, whose angina is this?
* My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
* Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bubkes.
That list was dated January 2005, so I have reason to believe it's the "original" (as much as any of these things can be online). It's interesting to see what was slightly amended and what was kept as the list evolved. By the way, there are actual Jewish Buddhists according to Wikipedia, and would the Wiki lie to you, bubbelah? Happy Passover (beginning at sundown this evening)!
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