Elayne Riggs' Journal (for Leah)

Sunday, January 22, 2006

A Little Bit Pregnant

Today is Blog for Choice Day, and I'm going to blog as someone without a choice.

Night before last I dreamt I was pregnant. Not so much that it showed a lot (I'm large anyway), but somewhere into my second trimester. Amidst the usual dream craziness, I remember at one point patting my growing stomach and abdomen with a blessed-out grin on my face. I remember what an amazing feeling it was. Then I woke up childless and barren once more.

Lots of folks are childless by choice, and I say more power to 'em, live the life you want to. But I'm different. I've wanted to have kids since I was one. But, for whatever reason, I've never been able or lucky enough to conceive. And now I'm well past safe childbearing age and not rich enough to adopt and I've learned to ignore the sorrow and push it into my mental background most of the time. Besides, I have a wonderful husband, two terrific kitties and lots of caring friends and family members, I'm pretty darn blessed with company.

Regardless, the fact that fate has denied me a childbearing choice does sadden me when I think about it, so I get livid when I see people wanting to legislate other women's lives and bodies – our bodies! – by denying them choices as well. Everyone has a different circumstance that leads her life path into a women's clinic; how can you presume to know each one? You can't; they're private, they're none of your business unless you know the women personally (and even then it's not your body so it's not your decision to make), and you've no moral standing on which to pass judgment.