Pen-Elayne on the Web

Greetings from the Cutting Edge of Snarkiness

Man, I'd forgotten how weird it was using a dial-up connection on a laptop without a mouse. But Leah Adezio is kind enough to let me blog from her house, so I can more than make do. (You'll meet her in a minute; her guest co-blogging tonight and tomorrow will be distinguished by italics.) The journey down was comfy and uneventful, and we only spent a couple hours in Philly at the first day of WizWorld East, pretty much locating our friends and particularly those who also know Leah, to make sure everyone was aware of recent events. If you're reading this and thinking of taking in the con, it's large enough to keep you interested but small enough that you can do the circuit of the exhibition hall/artist alley in maybe an hour and a half. DC has its usual respectable-looking booth, CrossGen has a biiiig booth, and Marvel has a signing area. Oh, and Patty Jeres' hair looks amazing; I want her stylist!

We then hopped another train out from Market East Station (amazingly easy to navigate, and right between that and the convention center is the Reading Terminal Market where doubtless I'll be spending a few hours tomorrow) to meet up with Leah, do a bit of food shopping, hang out on her patio and schmooze with neighbors, etc.

And now that we've had dinner and gotten a bit mellow, I'm going to let Leah introduce herself...


Hmmm....where to begin. Well, if you've been reading Elayne's blog prior to this, I guess I'm The Friend To Whom Sucky Things Happen. My universe changed at 1:31 am Wednesday, May 21, 2003. My husband David went into cardiac arrest in the aftermath of a seizure and could not be revived.

So now, I have to circle a new letter on all those forms that one fills out in the course of one's lifetime -- you know, the one where you circle 'S' for 'single', 'M' for 'married'? Yeah, that one. But now, I get to circle (or underline, depending on the form, I guess) 'W' for 'widow'. Ew. And may I say again, ew.

What an odd word 'widow' is. It doesn't apply to me, does it? Widows are lovely elderly ladies in their 70's who surround themselves with grandchildren and cats, right? Right? (Elayne just said to me, widows are like the 'Hell's Grannies' in old 'Monty Python' sketches....and although I do have an umbrella..........)

Widows suggest spiders. Big, icky spiders. Widows also connotate the idea of the scheming 'black widow' of 40's film noir cinema.

Now, I do have children and I do have cats (and the aforementioned umbrella)...but I'm not a spider and I look much better in color than in black and white.

But I am a widow. I'm 42 years old. Except for laugh lines that are admittedly growing deeper (but hey, they're laugh lines and damn it, I like them), I don't even have wrinkles yet. The face has not yet collapsed, thank you very much.

I'm not supposed to be a widow. David and I and our sons had just moved to Pennsylvania 6 months ago and we had just started to look for a house to buy. Tuesday night, as we sat out on the patio furniture that we'd just bought the night before having dinner, he promised me a whirlpool bathtub...and besides storage space and a place to draw, all I really wanted in a house is a whirlpool bathtub.

If that happens now, it'll be up to me to make it happen. woo freakin' hoo.

Do I sound snarky? Well, this is The Cutting Edge of Snarkiness, after all. It's okay. Elayne says I'm often on the cutting edge of snarkiness, hence today's title. Works for me.

To steal a line from my friend Peter David (link at sidebar; go there. have fun), but I digress.

Back to the 'widow' thing. I've only been able to say it twice. I don't even try to think it. Life as I know it is just too surreal to even contemplate it. Just nod at me, smile and let me be a river in Egypt, okay? Eventually, I'll come around.

I apologize if this sounds too irreverant. What else can I do but laugh? Become a quivering puddle in a corner somehwere? Sorry, I just don't have the time. I have two teenagers to whom I now have to be both Mom and Dad. I have to go to work. I have to pay my bills, deal with the attorney who is going to establish David's estate, write thank you notes, do laundry.

Above all, I have to survive and make sure my sons survive. I want to make sure they go through the rest of their lives defining themselves by other events than 'My Dad died when I was 17'; 'My Dad died when I was 13'.

They will have significant events in their lives. My youngest will make his Bar Mitzvah this year; my eldest will graduate high school and begin college. Hopefully, they will eventually find loves of their own and have families and then I can be the elderly widow lady in her 70's with the grandchildren and the cats. But I don't want to be that today.

If I were accepting an Academy Award (insert little TM thingy here), this is where I thank my family and friends for their love and support. I'd thank my wonderful co-workers, who have been amazing in their expressions of sympathy and kindness. I thank my sons, who have been simply magnificent as we begin this strange journey together.

But it's not. It's just my life. It's my life where I have to learn how to move forward without David -- and for the record, this upcoming Monday, June 2nd, is, to be crass, going to suck. It would have been our 18th wedding anniversary. There will be no more. If only I'd known last year's would have been the last one we would spend together....but I didn't and I won't speculate on it further, for that way lies madness. I may be snarky, but I'm not mad.

So I'll just step back and say 'Thank you so much'.

And let that phrase lead you to today's Link 'o Silliness: Opera Baby.

I know it's made the rounds for awhile, but darn it, I like it. It's cute, it's easily filk-able (we have a version about the cats and their litter box) and the Opera Baby's even polite.

Go, check it out and have fun.

Oh. One more thing. If you have someone you love in your life, make sure you kiss them tonight and tell them you love them.

I'm glad I did last Tuesday night. Even though my future is uncertain, having done that, I have no regrets about my past.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.

I continue to be absolutely floored by Leah's wit and facility with language, and now y'all can see why. We plan to switch gears a bit tomorrow and do a tag-team review of the convention. As Leah says, "Errors will be made; others will be blamed."