The Da Vinci Cold

I dunno, maybe it's the occasional smoke wafting through the area due to wildfires, maybe it's the changing weather, maybe it's the time of man. But I'm struggling to feel healthy lately. I suppose it doesn't help that I probably ate all sorts of things I shouldn't have during our office's pre-Thanksgiving potluck today (I schlepped in two big containers of bean salad, which nobody seemed to want even though it's mighty tasty, so I had to schlep it all back and I'm seriously sore now). I'm back on the exercise bike at least on non-Manhattan days, but I'm not sure how well that's going. We've been watching Ken Burns' daughter's 2-part Leonardo da Vinci documentary these past couple evenings, and I just gave up on part 2 because I couldn't keep my eyes open. So it's blogging then bed. Pretty sure the master dies at the end.

Goals and Aspirations

At work we're in the middle of goal-setting for the next fiscal year, and my main one is going to be achieving better work-life balance. I'm getting a lot of stuff in order for my backup exec assistants to handle should I be out for any reason, and I'm hoping one reason will be vacation-oriented, but in the meantime I'm still just so tired I can't think about that. One of the side-effects of how stress (about Mom and about the country's future) seems to be a sudden inability to catch my breath. If this dyspnea gets worse I'll have to consult my doctor, but for now I think I can get it under control with better and more frequent meditation exercises. Oh well, at least the new sneakers seem to be helping...

In Communicado

Another mostly quiet day, wherein I got a lot done - the old shoes and sneakers and slippers are gone from my bedroom closet (and I found my old yoga mat in the corner thereof!), the finances are finished, the comics are cataloged and actually being read, and best of all I talked with Mom. My brother texted to suggest I give her a ring at the nursing home, and gave me her number there which I had not previously had, so that turned out to be a nice conversation and I feel like, for as long as it can last, I have partially retrieved that routine of touching base with Mom twice weekly again. We go see her next Saturday, and start our Thanksgiving shopping next Sunday as I've already begun my recipe gathering and ingredients list. Not going to go crazy, just scouring the Food Network for things that look interesting. And now, on to dinner and the exercise bike!

So Shoe Me

As my life continues to be in a subjectively-perceived holding pattern, I still carry on what I've been doing until such time as I need to pivot. Today it was changing out my sneakers, as the ones I've been wearing daily for at least a year are at the point where I think they're negatively affecting my feet and legs. I didn't even realize I still had a pair I hadn't worn. So I'm now breaking them in, and will clean out the two older pairs I now have as well as whatever other footwear I will never wear again. I'm kind of the opposite of my dad, who hoarded shoes at a level slightly under the late Imelda Marcos. I also made a tasty bean salad for Tuesday's pot luck pre-Thanksgiving feast at the office. Other than that, a quiet weekend give or take the patio building, then basketball game, going on outside my home office window. Can't wait for colder weather so the kid finds something else to do. Ah well, maybe he's in a holding pattern as well.

The Next Right Thing

I'm in the mood to rewatch Frozen 2 tonight, as it's a movie about being sent to a dark place and finding the only thing you can do when everything seems hopeless is The Next Right Thing. That's kind of what I'm dedicating myself to, at least in the short run. Baby steps. Little kindnesses. Deep breaths. The next right thing.

Creeping Into the Bones

The older I get, the colder I get. Except when I have stress sweats, or have just eaten, or have too many blankets on, or... Anyway, I'm not quite ready for the nippiness in the air today, and wore my thickest jacket and long sleeves into Manhattan, as it didn't warm up very much throughout the day. The commute home seemed super-long, and I felt like I needed it to be shorter considering how ragged I was run at the office, particularly by folks I don't usually support. But that's how I show my value, I suppose, and that's why leadership wants us to keep coming in. At least next week will be quiet, what with a big out of town partner meeting going on, so I can catch up on writing the rest of my goals. And maybe it'll rain again soon, these fires a hella scary.

A New Normalization

I hate what the country is likely to become when it was all so, so preventable. But once you've dumbed down a population it takes a long, long time to smarten them up again. I don't think I'll see that re-enlightenment in my lifetime, so I'll just have to hope I can insulate myself from the stupid as long as possible. I'm working on my work goals for the next fiscal year, and above all I'm prioritizing my health and well being. Without that, none of the rest matters. I'm currently about finding joy in the small things: a task well done, a touch from Robin, possibly a cat or two in my future. I'm generally a positive, upbeat person and I don't want to deny myself moments of happiness.

A Helluva Town

The Bronx, I'm told, is up. And my battery's down. Fires are breaking out all over, even though I had the car washed on Saturday to induce rain. And it was a tough Manhattan day, which had me juggling three calls/training sessions at once on MS Teams, not a fun thing. I couldn't even do two of them because I was recording the other one and that recording would have been lost if... you know what? Doesn't matter. I'm through, I'm home, I'm thawing, I'm exhausted.

Too Tired to Twitch

I always get twitchy whenever another Praise The Military holiday comes around. I know lots of folks who served - heck, my starter husband did umpteen tours with the Navy - but I will never believe they should be treated like some godlike beings because some rich politicians offered them up as possible cannon fodder. War is not, and never will be, the answer. That's kind of the point of this particular holiday, to remember the futility of war and pray that it stops for good someday soon. Until we stop worshiping the military (above others who actually serve by feeding the hungry and housing the homeless and fighting fires and other environmental disasters) the warmongering attitude is never going to change. But I'm just too tired by recent events (both political and personal) to do anything more than stay away from the war movies and slobbering, slavering tributes, do my job, and get ready for Manhattan again tomorrow.

It It 1971 Again?

As previously mentioned, we're both trying to stay away from watching or reading about current affairs for awhile. I'm limiting my social media time and starting to explore getting into reading again, probably going back to fantasy novels. I also want to take up the how-to-draw book again, and perhaps write once more but not (for the foreseeable) about silly sites. After we returned from shopping today with a nice clean car, we spent a few hours finishing up Apple TV's series about the music and politics of 1971, which I highly recommend. Of course you can always find historical parallels if you look hard enough, as humans we love finding patterns, but I was struck by (a) how far we've come since then and (b) how fragile all this freedom is when the strong status quo class feels it has anything to lose. And also, how creative opposition to status-quo conservatism can be. So in a small way it too gave me hope. We've been in dark places before and found the light. Just as we love finding patterns, I do think we all have an instinct to push past our lizard brains and bend towards the light. Little by little I'm climbing out.