Round Town

Ah, west and wewaxation at wast! Interestingly, I found that the two small toes on my left foot which had been giving me so much trouble lo these many days really liked walking on cobblestones, so the problem definitely has something to do with my gait (probably the IT band thing). We stuck close to the hotel, slept a lot which we both needed, I bought my requisite touristy t-shirt, and we enjoyed a terrific sushi dinner. Tomorrow we wind things down again with one last round-trip train ride before packing for departure on Tuesday morning. 

Frigid Groceries

Well, it finally snowed in NYC overnight and into the wee small hours of the morning, when both Robin and I were awake for the official start of the winter solstice, wondering how on earth we were going to clear the outside steps and the car in preparation for shopping, as today is the least frigid day until after Christmas and we really don't want to go out until Thursday (when I'm hoping to visit Mom). As it turned out, the landlord's handyman whom we haven't seen in a week came 'round to get the trash, we were able to hand him our annual holiday gratitude tip, and in return he swept the steps clean. So I only needed to change into my waterproof sneakers to help Robin clear the car of around 2" of not-yet-icepacked snow, and we were on our way! And OMG, that supermarket. I suspected lots of others had the same idea we did, as there was nary a cart to be found at the store entrance and every aisle was packed with holiday shoppers. Even so, once we were through the veggie aisle (where I beefed up on root veg for our Christmas Day roast veggie extravaganza, and eggplant, zucchini and squash for tomorrow's warming ratatouille) we had time to browse a few other aisles, and wound up with a hefty total but I'll be home all week to partake of it. Home and back in the warmth by about 1:30 or so, and very grateful.

While I Looked Around for My Possibilities

I'm still feeling unstuck in time. I think I've been postponing writing The Last Riggs Residence Roundup not only because my body kind of broke down this morning (chills that sent me back to bed for a morning nap amid the space heater, followed by sweats within 10 minutes of waking up again, and I still have occasional trouble breathing but I'm chalking it up to the weather) but because the whole thing brings on the melancholy. So many people crossed off the holiday card list because they're no longer in this plane of existence, and so many generations after me who don't do the card thing and so I don't have their mailing addresses and in many cases not even their email addresses. It's all Facebooked or Instagrammed or TikTok'ed now, isn't it? So tech moves on, something I've gotten used to at work when it seems like we need to learn a new app or procedure every month, but I haven't quite let it into my personal life. So I'm giving up until I can make that transition, after which I may not miss the writing process any more. Except for here, of course!

Here's To Old 67

It's weird. I don't actually feel like I'm 67 years old, although I can't tell you what that feels like. In my head I'm still in my 20's, so there you go. But it was a lovely day nonetheless, with tons of Facebook greetings and a rearranging of my tops so all the fancy-schmancy ones are finally in the same closet and a bit of Cyber Monday shopping thrown in (as I'd paid all the bills yesterday). I'm still beset by the cold weather so we didn't go anywhere, but Mom called this morning and my CA brother texted and I just got off the phone with my NJ bro, so those are the three that count (even though I've heard from so many others, including two from my last job) and now I'm very happy and somewhat verklempt to boot. I actually like that I'm getting more sentimental in my older age, far better than being crochety and contrary. I'm back on the exercise bike, so I'm trying to maintain my body as much as I'm able, but I've been on a chocolate binge of late so I probably need to increase my veg intake to feel right again. All in all, however, I'm as healthy as I could expect to be, and all is going well. On to the year ahead!

Too Much Thyme on My Hands

It was a day of much accomplishment! Robin actually watched the Macy's parade with me, and his snarky comments really brightened up the fakey-fakeyness of it all. During the parade I took care of the Woolite wash, finally emptied the laundry bag (although I still have to hang up my shirts and jeans), and got to work on my mis en place for the feast. I did the stuffing first as that was the most labor-intensive, then the cranberry sauce followed by the shallot-thyme gravy. I'm not sure the last was worth the effort, it didn't have any sort of gravy texture (Robin said it was more like British bread sauce) and I had to strip an awful lot of thyme stems to make up two tablespoons of the flower. But everything was appropriately tasty, I was even able to nap afterwards then do some washing up earlier this evening, and of course a Fred & Ginger marathon cures an awful lot of ills. Robin helped pack everything away and I suspect we'll have a nice bubble and squeak tomorrow, when I will definitely not be cooking again. So, so grateful for the love of my life! Now if you'll excuse me there are still utensils that need washing...

Distractions

Old movies. Junk food. Data entry on the job. Smiling along with work colleagues. Anything to keep my mind occupied while I work through this (inter)national mourning period. I have very understanding partners and managing directors at work, always willing to lend an ear, but I'm just not certain I feel like talking. Gearing up to visit Mom tomorrow, speaking with my uncle each Friday, trying to keep in touch with as many relatives and friends and acquaintances as I can, knowing there is strength in community. Thanks for being there and being patient with me.

Doctor Memory

White Rabbits! And boy, what a day it's been. Actually, this past two hours has seemed like a day. After Robin came to meet me at the bus stop and we walked home, I couldn't find my car keys when he wanted to get something out of the trunk (or the boot, to our English friends). I figured I'd put them on top of the used-to-be-wine-rack but is now a catch-all for newspapers and mail and my car key when I don't put it back in my hip pack. It was not there. Robin spent the next hour or so turning over everything in that general vicinity, looking through my jeans pockets, rummaging through every pocket of every jacket and sweater I was likely to wear during the last week. I spent it trying to figure out when to call a locksmith over the weekend so we could have a dupe made of both the key and its attached remote, but mostly just wracking my brain to try and remember where the key was. Because there are few things that fill me with more unexplained dread than not being able to remember something. I just... I just can't with the memory thing. Then on a hunch I checked the pants I'll be taking to the dry cleaner - and of course there was the key. And the moment I found it the memory returned; I suddenly recalled the exact circumstance that led to its being put in that pocket. And that was more of a relief to me than the actual finding of the key, if that makes any sense.

So, there you have it. My first post that's not a silly site in... well, ages. Blame it on Purim, which led to me thinking more and more about finishing Megillat Vashti and other writing projects. Can spring be far behind?

Grate Thwart-xpectations

Today marks 14 years to the day that I began blogging. Every year I like to write something that isn't necessarily a blogaround or a Silly Site just to remind myself that I can still write and enjoy doing it. And every year I make a sort of self-vow that I'll blog a little better, or smarter, or more frequently.

But here's the thing, and it's something Robin mentioned to me a few years back. I'm never more personally frustrated than when I have a plan in my head of how, for instance, my day is going to go, and that day takes unexpected turns. I spent ten years at a job where that was a common occurrence, and I was only able to get through my workday by reminding myself what a great learning experience it was that I was never bored, always getting to do new things, yadda yadda. All in all, looking back at that frustrating decade, I'd rather have been bored.

Likewise I'm never bored in my current job. KPMG work doesn't leave me with a lot of down time, as well it shouldn't, but today held lots of surprises. Someone had to borrow my computer as their Skype wasn't working, so I spent my first hour without a laptop but on two different floors. Then I had to head to our lower level twice to check on a print job, then to the 22nd and 23rd floors to check out a conference room, and of course there were the lunchtime errands to Midtown Comics and the subway to renew my MetroCard, and the relatively little time I had at my desk was pretty much spent catching up on stuff I couldn't do while I wasn't. If you know what I mean.

So, thwarted expectations. And I need to keep reminding myself that that's okay. I'm not competing against anyone but myself when I blog. And if this is the best I can do, the most energy I can muster given how my day has gone, that's fine. I know y'all are out there, at least those of you who stuck around and haven't entirely abandoned blogtopia for Facebook and other social media. I know I haven't, I still do the twittering and fbooking and... okay, that's about it, I probably have accounts at Instagram and whatnot but have never used those services. There are only so many hours in the day, and most of mine seem to be taken up with Real Life.

And That's Okay.

I still enjoy writing too much to shut this whole thing down. I'll continue to post daily Silly Sites, occasional blogarounds, and maybe even... no, no promises. That way I won't be thwarted. Thank you again for sticking around these 14 years. On to the next 14!

Lucky 13

I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping... - George Harrison

Thirteen years ago today I decided to start this blog. As any Pen-Elayne readers still here may remember, I've always enjoyed one-to-many written conversations. In the late '60s and '70s, when postage stamps were like 6 cents, I had like 150+ penpals, and wrote stories and passed them around the classroom (I was on page 4 while pages 1-3 were making the rounds); in the '80s, when computers were just coming into vogue, I self-published a printed zine called INSIDE JOKE and contributed to a lot of apas; in the '90s, when web 1.0 was just getting off the ground, I joined CompuServe fora and Usenet newsgroups and message boards; and in the 21st century it's mostly been this blog and Facebook. I also have accounts on Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram and a half dozen other places, but there are only so many hours in the day, and so much energy to muster.

And that's always been the thing with me. I go into something with great enthusiasm, almost immerse myself in the hobby, and after awhile a new time-sucker rears its interesting head and I'm off in that direction. So I no longer do comics reviews, or write for other websites, or even maintain this blog on a regular basis aside from posting daily content. It's not from lack of interest or desire, it's usually just that some shiny bauble elsewhere in my universe of interests has caught my sight, and there are only so many hours in a day, a year, a life to pursue all the available interests and media out there. At some point, something has to give.

I love checking off "things done" in my head (and, to Robin's consternation, often verbally). But mental checklists are kind of exhausting, and bear many seeds of possible disappointment (not the least of which is, "doing stuff" should be fun, and checklists have a tendency to make that more like a chore). So I'm gradually learning how not to make plans, because I'm never so crestfallen - on a deep, lizard-brain level - than when the plans I create in my head don't come to fruition or somehow go awry. These days, when financial circumstances and personal preferences have dictated that Robin and I spend most of our leisure time at home, I try more for vague ideas of what I want to do with my time. This weekend, for instances, the idea was to catch up on TV shows DVR'ed but unwatched since last spring (we've made a dent in that but haven't cleared it yet), finish my ironing (checked off!), catch up on reading the comics I just bought as well as the local newspaper which I hadn't perused in a month and a half (still working on that but should be done by day's end), perhaps fit in a bit of dusting and vacuuming (alas, not this weekend), and write this post and perhaps a blogaround (check, and we'll see).

It could be that I still have too many ideas and not enough wherewithal to organize them where they belong. Maybe it's because I'm so good at organizing during my daytime career that I don't have the acuity to keep doing it once I'm home. Maybe it's all too overwhelming and paralyzing, and the path of least resistance, littered with King online games, is more relaxing and fulfilling. Perhaps I need to have more of a think on it.

I'm not going to make any concrete promises on what this blog will become, or how much I'm going to keep writing in it, other than to speculate that I'll probably keep posting daily Silly Sites. Again, the desire is there, but other things occupy me. I don't care if blogs are going out of fashion, I'm always going to want an outlet for long-form writing, and as long as Blogger is free and avaialble I want to make use of it. How much I do so is another thing. Why don't y'all stick around and we'll find out together?

The Coolest Gift

Thanks to everyone for a great birthday - once I got home from my 10+ hour day, that is. Over 90 greetings on Facebook, a great card from Rob's Dad, phone calls from my mom and brothers, a fun giggly evening on Firesign chat listening to my favorite album... I'm a pretty happy camper.



That's me at 53 with Robin's sparkly birthday card, kitty by my side. Night, all!