The Incredible Shrinking Woman

Around this time last year, Robin started his exercise odyssey. I think it was in February after we got our first COVID shots. We've made no secret about the fact that, since then, he's lost over 50 pounds (like 4+ stone) and feels like he's in the best shape of his life (give or take the creaks that come with age) since he was in school. Well, now it appears to be rubbing off on me. I'm now on the exercise bike for two miles daily; that's about the only "lifestyle change" I've made. At the start of 2021 all my jeans were size 22 and 24. A couple days ago I'd ordered a size 16 (as my 18's were loose enough so that I could pull them down without unzipping), which arrived today and fit perfectly. The two pantsuits I purchased have size 18 and 20 pants which haven't fallen down on me yet, but I've only tried on the pantsuits, not actually worn them anywhere. I've gone down two sizes in unmentionables as well.

And I'm not sure how to react to all this. On the one hand, it's certainly easier for me to move around, bend, shower, you name it. On the other, the size activist in me feels a little like I've "betrayed the cause," or like it can't possibly be real, I must have some sort of magic tapeworm or something. Mind you, I'm not suddenly a thin person, but I'm hella less fat and feeling just weird and almost guilty about it. I haven't been a size 16 since I was a teenager. Something's not right here. I've spent so many years fighting against fat hatred, even the internalized version, that admitting my set point seems to have changed is difficult.

I'm not typing this out of a desire to have people congratulate me. I don't want to be congratulated for how my body changes, whether it's my weight or hair or wrinkles. It's a body, it houses my mind which is the same mind it's always been. I guess I'm just trying to work all of this out "on paper" as is my wont. My theory is that much of the change has to do with the lack of commuting and office-related stress of which I may not even have been aware. At this point I'm not sure where this journey will end, but whatever happens I hope it will be healthy.