Five years ago today, I began this blog with a bit of an introduction to who I was then. It wasn't really anything new for me, I'd been doing one-to-many writing for at least three decades by then. But this was the first time since high school that I didn't have to lay out any cash to have my own forum. Not that I'm complaining, I happily laid out money to print and mail INSIDE JOKE and apazines all those years ago; it's what you do with hobbies. The financial loss is more than made up for by the intangibles of having a readership and expanding a circle of friends.
But to have the means of communication already in place (from having been online since I first got email) and not to have to lay out any additional money to blog -- that was a godsend. And I set as my goal a readership the size of INSIDE JOKE and achieved that pretty quickly, although I now appear to have dipped below 100 visits per day. Which is probably nobody's fault but my own, as my job has taken over more and more of my energy each year to the point where I'm just not blogging as often as I used to, and when you don't write a lot there's less incentive for people to visit. But you know something? IJ came out hexaweekly, and this here blog still gets far more visits in six weeks than the number of IJ subscribers.
So my heart is full of gratitude to all of you for being my readers and my friends all these years. And as that same heart finds its strength being tested now more than ever, as I approach my half-century mark without my father, without my best friend, without even the potential of children, without a more optimal job situation, without as much mobility and health as I would have liked... sometimes I feel absolutely overwhelmed with loss.
And then I regather, because you just can't spend your life in mourning for the things you'll never have or never regain. And I note that it's September again, the start of the season that makes me feel the most alive and has always held the most potential. And I look around and the air smells fresh, my daily commute is still pleasant and will become lovelier as the leaves turn, I get to come home to a loving and intelligent and talented soulmate who loves me unconditionally and two cats whose lives are now in double digits and they're both still bright-eyed and energetic, I get to partake of all the entertainment I could possibly want and more, I'm mobile enough to visit my very vital and very loved Mom and lots of relatives a lot more than I used to, and there are still wonderful things to read, everywhere.
Thank you all so much for being a part of my reading, and a major part of my life. I hope Pen-Elayne continues to be a part of yours.
But to have the means of communication already in place (from having been online since I first got email) and not to have to lay out any additional money to blog -- that was a godsend. And I set as my goal a readership the size of INSIDE JOKE and achieved that pretty quickly, although I now appear to have dipped below 100 visits per day. Which is probably nobody's fault but my own, as my job has taken over more and more of my energy each year to the point where I'm just not blogging as often as I used to, and when you don't write a lot there's less incentive for people to visit. But you know something? IJ came out hexaweekly, and this here blog still gets far more visits in six weeks than the number of IJ subscribers.
So my heart is full of gratitude to all of you for being my readers and my friends all these years. And as that same heart finds its strength being tested now more than ever, as I approach my half-century mark without my father, without my best friend, without even the potential of children, without a more optimal job situation, without as much mobility and health as I would have liked... sometimes I feel absolutely overwhelmed with loss.
And then I regather, because you just can't spend your life in mourning for the things you'll never have or never regain. And I note that it's September again, the start of the season that makes me feel the most alive and has always held the most potential. And I look around and the air smells fresh, my daily commute is still pleasant and will become lovelier as the leaves turn, I get to come home to a loving and intelligent and talented soulmate who loves me unconditionally and two cats whose lives are now in double digits and they're both still bright-eyed and energetic, I get to partake of all the entertainment I could possibly want and more, I'm mobile enough to visit my very vital and very loved Mom and lots of relatives a lot more than I used to, and there are still wonderful things to read, everywhere.
Thank you all so much for being a part of my reading, and a major part of my life. I hope Pen-Elayne continues to be a part of yours.
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