Pen-Elayne on the Web

Balancing the Scales

I'm in a pissy mood, so all due apologies and please bear with me. Today didn't start off well, and yesterday didn't end that terrifically either.

First off, another 10+ hour workday precluded me from doing needed errands like shopping for new footwear. I'm not an easy fit - I'm a 9½ wide, I wear mandatory medical orthotics (long and boring story), I don't balance well on heels (and I'm too tall for 'em anyway) and shoes just make me uncomfortable. For years I haven't worn anything that didn't have rubber soles, and most of my footwear has never lasted too long anyway as my pinky-toes wear them out on the insides - and no, price doesn't make a difference, so I'd rather buy 'em cheap if I know they'll need frequent replacing. My current pair (which look more like bowling shoes than sneakers but never mind that) has lasted me longer than most, but they're now effectively shot after almost a year of daily wear. Something seems to have split inside the left sole, letting air out with a loud crack every time I put weight on that foot. Also, my knees and lower back are aching worse than usual (I had to don a knee brace last evening), always a sign that I desperately need to go to PayLess. If, you know, I were allowed anything approaching a lunch hour or a guaranteed quitting time.

Then there's the idiot who's been nasty and snide to me for no apparent reason on every mailing list we've shared for the past decade or so, having at me again on the newest list where we both happen to participate. I don't respond, he's scored his little points; I do respond, and I get tagged the meany. Damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't is usually much more the province of conservatives than liberals, but it just goes to show you there are assholes all across the political spectrum. Then there are the stupid cheating teenagers who keep trying to board the bus from the rear exit door so they can skip out of paying their fares, and who mock and despise me because I won't let them on and I block the exit when I get off the bus, and that actually came to a physical altercation this morning which was not a whole lot of fun. Then there's just working in midtown Manhattan where I come close to getting knocked down at least a half dozen times in the block and a half between the subway and the office. Then there's the situation in the office itself, which as you may intimate from previous posts is far from optimum in more ways than I wish to enumerate on a public weblog. Then I come home (eventually) to the sounds of stomping from upstairs...

So it's at times like this, with my body aching and my heart full of anger over just really, really stupid things (okay, yes, there's that too but even so), that I break out the scales.

Oh good lord no, not bathroom-type scales. I haven't owned one of those, well, ever. After all these years I have too much respect for my body the way it is (albeit a bit too sedentary, and a change of jobs and living spaces ought to remedy that so I see it as a short-term situation) to subject myself to someone else's idea of what it should look like. I'm talking about the imaginary scales of balance. You know, when you imagine holding your hands out, and in one hand is the person or situation that's pissing you off, and in the other is someone or something that gives you great joy. And inevitably the "bad" hand will float insubstantially and the "good" hand will be weighted down by all the blessings I wind up counting. A mantra also helps, where you name the bad person/thing then the good person/thing a few times in succession to remind yourself which has more value, and you imagine the balance tipping more and more in favor of the good. One of my favorites is "[Asshole], Alan Davis; [Asshole], Alan Davis; [Asshole], Alan Davis..." and the Asshole's effects disappear pretty quickly compared with my memories of all the cool e-mail conversations I've had with Alan.

Speaking of which, one of the latest conversations has concerned a panel I'm moderating at the upcoming Mid-Ohio Con at the end of this month, which is sort of a follow-up to the "Writing the Other" panel I moderated at Heroes Con a few years back. The panel isn't exactly what's listed on the website, so I wrote to all the panelists and sent them my original write-up to let them know what they could actually expect:

FROM THE INSIDE, OUT: Characterization and Constraints
How do writers work with established characters given the imposed limitations of publishers and the expectations of the readers? Considering the nature of fantasy genres, do character and plot ideas come from personal experience or are they more imagined, or a little of both? Join Alan Davis, Mark Waid, David Mack, Pam Bliss, and Scott Roberts for what's sure to be a productive panel for writers and readers alike!

So I got a few thank-you's from the panelists for the corrected wording and the heads-up, which led to a few cool e-mail exchanges, and that's made me feel a bit better. And I've started writing up my intro and some basic notes, so I'm hoping it'll be a lot of fun. With any luck, maybe I'll even be sporting new sneakers by then.